I find it ironic that when I clicked on “Health & Fitness” under my menu at the top here, I was met with a blank page that said “No content found.” No kidding! I’m not healthy or fit, so it was quite appropriate. I really need to get motivated again. I have yo-yo’d my whole life. While I am tall, my weight has always been a significant problem even when I towered over my friends. At 12 years-old I weighed 200 lbs, and that was pretty shocking. Many years later I have taken the roller coaster ride that many others do; lose 30, gain 40, lose 60, gain 50, lose 15, gain 10… on and on it goes.
I recently hit a milestone birthday, and it’s really striking me how fleeting life is. I’m still “young” in many peoples eyes, but time is flying by and it’s reminding me that I don’t have an endless amount of time to wear those short shorts, or get my bellybutton pierced. Youth is fleeting and while I fully believe that even older women have every right to dress as cute and “young” as they want, I know that it only gets harder to look how you want as you age. I swore that I’d get my bellybutton pierced (something I’ve dreamed of since I was a pre-teen) by the time I hit this birthday. Did it happen? No, because I don’t want to when I look and feel like this. I’m not grossly obese or anything like that, but especially as a girl, being overweight can really make you feel bad about yourself.
It can seriously rob you of feeling like a girl. When I’ve lost weight, I’ve worn brighter colors, and cuter prints. I’ve paid more attention to my hair, and had my nails done more often. When I’ve hit higher weights I’ve worn more black and grey. Hidden in baggy hoodies and sweatpants every chance I got. It makes me feel so blah that I lose my way to the things I really like. I’ve always been a very girly girl at heart, but I lose that when I gain weight. Many people would probably say that’s silly, as I’ve seen some super fabulous overweight women that were girly, beautiful, and took care of themselves. But that’s not me. When I’m bigger I lose my femininity. I want that back. I hate working out with a passion. But I know that even with the right diet and even basic walking as my cardio, I can make a big change. I just need to start, and keep going. But can I? Will I?